What Is Your Version Of Sexy?
Updated: Nov 18, 2020
Written by: Ashley Paul
Sex is one of my favorite activities in life and I love to discuss it. A fascinating aspect of human sexuality is the beautiful, organic variation in sexual preference.
The concept of sexiness is subjective and fluid. It varies from woman to woman.
What makes me feel sexy has evolved over the course of my life and will most likely continue to do so.
It is important to recognize that what makes me feel sexy may not make you feel sexy, and vice versa.
While I may fantasize about trying out some light rope bondage, someone else may fantasize about overinflating balloons or just getting a sensual massage from their partner. There is no normal when it comes to female sexuality and that is how it should be!
From a historical perspective, the general public’s notion of sex and sexuality has been intimately tied to the predominant culture, religion, and social climate of the time.
The society of yesteryear was highly patriarchal, even globally so. Men typically wielded more economic, social, and political power than women.
As a result, the western conception of sexuality and sexiness became externally dictated as a fixed standard set for all women by the male-gaze. The danger of permitting and enabling a rigid, heteronormative version of sexiness is that it has harmful side effects for women.
Just open up a PlayBoy magazine and keep track of the ages and body types of the models that you see. You will likely find that the models have much the same look; they are thin, large-breasted, and airbrushed 18 to 24 year-olds.
While there is nothing inherently wrong with portraying female nudes, it is the lack of body and age diversity that makes it apparent that this type of sexiness is manufactured. Sexuality has become a commodity in some respects and the media tends to enable it.
Cookie-cutter sexiness strips women of their power and individuality and takes personality out of the equation. Research has shown that personality, humor, wit, and joie de vivre drastically increase sexual attraction. The key to empowering women is to encourage one another to redefine sexiness for ourselves.
My version of sexiness largely jives with the feminist perspective of sexiness, which includes female empowerment through self-love, respect, pleasure through intimacy, and the elimination of shame.
When it comes to sex and attraction, we all have a type. Some women have several. Sexiness, however, is not just about outward appearance.
A good sense of humor, sharp mind, and independent thinking are bigger turn-ons than curves or hard bodies could ever be. Confidence is a major factor as well. No amount of ab crunches, jump squats, one-leg kickbacks, or crash diets could ever make up for a lack of self-confidence.
Pay no attention to society’s concept of sexiness. Create your own definition.
For me, it is the feeling of my skin against a soft fuzzy blanket. It is trying out a new sex toy, or getting creative with a string of pearls!
It is showing and telling my lover what gets me in the mood and vice versa.
The kindest thing we can do for ourselves as women is to respect the goddess force that lives within our bodies. It is the most blissful, potent force in the universe, and we are an extension of that.
Sexual pleasure is your birthright, no matter how you choose to express it. Your unique sexual energy and capacity for pleasure are a normal part of your identity. Throw off the chains of sexual oppression and embody what feels sexy to you! Get it, goddess.