“It’s The Pretty Things You Say”: The Science Of Dirty Talk
Written By: Ashley Paul
My cheeks were flushed. My collar felt hot. My jaw might have dropped.
Have you ever been turned on by words alone?
If so, you are definitely in the majority. Words are everything. The words that we utter may stay with someone for a lifetime. You can say something kind in ten seconds, but ten years later the words still have the ability to help and inspire. In the case of human sexuality, the effects of dirty talk are no different – they may kindle a flame that spans a few weeks to a life-span.
Our goals and proclivities begin in our minds and hearts. We create our own reality with the words that we choose to speak. So let’s use sexy language to our benefit when we are in the mood and feeling lascivious.
Why did I get turned on when my boyfriend called me “good girl” after paying a bill that I forgot about yesterday? These unexpected words had a profound effect on me. I’m a feminist grown-ass woman and I got turned on by those specific words – in a completely non-sexual circumstance – yet it felt positively erotic.
Before I completely overshare I will admit one thing – I do not even have an age-play fantasy. While I do not judge those who may, it is simply not for me. The reason why I’m bringing up this semi-personal snippet is because I want to explain how talking dirty can directly impact our libido. Dirty talk has the power to let us hone in on what we are craving psychologically, physically, and sexually.
Accidental sexy language re-confirmed that I am into being mostly submissive in sexual scenarios. It is a way to release the tension, truly relax, and be at ease with my subconscious desires.
Have you ever wanted to experiment with using words as means for arousal? If so, this article is literally made for you.
What Is Dirty Talk Anyway?
Dirty talk is sexually explicit speech intended to arouse someone. It is thought that by using explicit word imagery with a partner, one can enhance libido for both parties before and during any sexual activity.
As seen in my example, even seemingly innocuous phrases can even conjure sexual arousal!
However, typically dirty talk is done deliberately and with personal finesse. It requires a bit of knowledge about your current sexual partner in order to get a positive reaction. There is no need to feel intimidated, though. Communication is paramount to a healthy relationship, so it is unsurprising that when things get hot and heavy you should tap into an appropriately dirty dialogue.
The Psychology Behind Dirty Talk
Researchers have toiled on the subject of sexual communication. Luckily a recent study on sexual fantasies conducted by Justin J. Lehmiller, Ph.D., who is also a Fellow at The Kinsey Institute, found that a very large percentage of participants had fantasized about a partner talking dirty to them. This unprecedented study is currently the largest research project on the topic of human desire and sexual fantasy. For more information check out his new book Tell Me What You Want or peruse his blog Sex and Psychology.
“Overall, 91% of participants said this was something they had fantasized about – and 49% said they fantasize about it often,” reports Dr. Lehmiller. “Dirty talk fantasies were common across gender – but women were actually the most likely to fantasize about it – and fantasize about it often.”
Results of the study in the words of Dr. Justin Lehmiller:
- 93% of self-identified women had fantasized about dirty talk, and 56% said they fantasize about it often.
- 90% of self-identified men had fantasized about dirty talk, and 43% said they fantasize about it often.
- 86% of non-binary participants had fantasized about dirty talk, and 42% said they fantasize about it often.
The Benefits Of Dirty Talk
- Increases libido
- Increases sexual arousal
- Better sex/orgasms
- Strengthens communication in relationships
- Better foreplay
- Decreases stress
- Gives insight into what really gets you off
- Adds masturbation content for you and your partner
- Adds intimacy to your long-distance relationship
- Builds suspense and kindles rewards in a new relationship/new catch
- Breathes new eroticism into your long term relationship
Do you remember the last thing that a sex partner said to you that made you squirm?
I do and I bet that you do too. And for good reason. There are many benefits of experimenting with dirty talk whether it be in person, over the phone, via text message, or even online.
According to a 2011 Psychology Today review, adding tiny, sexy phrases into your daily rapport with your partner throughout the day can result in more satisfying sex.
Getting kinky while talking to your bae can also act as a de-stressor. There is a chemical link between orgasms and the release of oxytocin, which is known to reduce stress levels in mammals. The pathways in the brain regarding sexual activity and dirty talk are connected, too. Dirty talk directly makes you hornier, which causes more satisfying orgasms and a greater release of oxytocin.
Moaning alone also works wonders especially if you happen to have a male partner. Going back to the study conducted by Justin Lehmiller, other results concluded that “...whereas women fantasized about dirty talk more often than (cis) men, men fantasized about moaning and screaming more than women (48% of men said they fantasize about this often, compared to 38% of women). So it seems that many men and women are really into sounds during sex, but the most appealing sounds actually differ for men and women.”
It is completely normal to be into the submissive kind of dirty talk. It is also completely awesome to enjoy being the one who is playing the dominant role linguistically.
It is known in psychological circles that people who have powerful roles in their daily lives tend to enjoy the concept of being sexually submissive, contrary to common intuition. “For example, many powerful women in their everyday lives and jobs enjoy being more submissive in the bed,” explains Daryl Cioffi, a therapist who focuses on sex, couples, neuropsychology, and relationships.
If you are anything like me, you probably came to this article hoping to see some raunchy examples of dirty talk.
I’m not in the business of disappointing people, so here is a list of dirty lines for your dirty times:
- You can use my mouth any time you want.
- When we get home I’m gonna suck your dick like I need it to live.
- I want you to fill me up.
- Babe, we need to get out of here. I have to fuck you right now.
- I love getting sucked and fucked by you.
- Let me get up on my knees so I can touch myself.
- I want to feel you cum deep inside me!
- It’s your pussy now.
- Tie me up and gag me with your dick.
- I want you to spit in my mouth and cum in my pussy.
- I want you to spank me and make me beg to cum.
- I want you to sit on my lap at parties and sit on my face when we get home.
- Use me as your sex toy.
- I want to use you as my sex toy.
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